March 2007 Archives

GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSS!

Yes, I am starting this with a bad joke but there is a reason I started this way. Just like how this joke is bad it still makes you laugh, at least a little. There are statements/question people say to me that I find funny - in the same way this joke is funny and at the same time I think, 'Wow, I cant believe someone just said this to me'

Let me give you some background before I tell you what the question is that I get from people.

I have always been into horror movies and things that are related to being scared. I love haunted houses, both Halloween style and real places that claim to be haunted - example, the Amityville house in NY. (Yes, the house the movie is based on) I can remember as a child there was nothing more exciting than being scared. Either during Halloween or when you are in your bed late at night and you have the feeling something is in your room with you and you are too afraid to get up and turn on the light to see who or what is under your bed or in your closet.

One of my favorite memories that I can remember from when I was in the fourth grade was the first time I got to stay up late and watch a horror movie - ALONE! Back in my day, 7-11 (the convenience store) would team up with Channel 21 and have a horror movie event every other month. They would do things like Smell-o-Vision, yes, I said Smell -o- Vision. You would go into 7-11 buy a Slurpee or a Big Gulp and they would give you a big card that was a scratch and sniff - it would have pictures of items like a gas can, dirty socks, etc. On a late weekend night on Channel 21, they would play a Horror movie and anytime you saw the items on TV, you would scratch the card and smell the item to give you the feeling of being there. Luckily, my first experience with the channel 21/7-11 horror movie night the promotion was a 3-D movie. It worked the same way - buy a big gulp - get the 3-D glasses -wait for the weekend and watch the movie.

I was so excited - I have never seen a 3-D movie before and it was the first time I got to stay up late and watch a horror movie alone. You know how kids are - this was one of the coolest things ever! When I was younger, it was not common for families to have a TV in every room. We only had a TV in the living room and in my parents' room. My dad knew how excited I was so he moved the TV from the living room into my bedroom. This made me even more excited - if that was even possible - not only did I get to stay up late and watch my first 3-D horror movie but also I got to watch it in my room. So as my dad was finishing setting up the TV I turned on the TV to channel 21 and there was a preview of tonight's 3-D movie and the horror movie gods must have been on my side tonight because they announced it was going to be a double feature 3-D horror movie nite! I was jumping up and down with complete excitement. I grabbed my 3-D glasses, my bowl of popcorn and got in my bed. My dad finished doing whatever it was he was doing to the TV and said, "Goodnight and enjoy your movies." As he walked out, he turned off the lights. So I was there, all alone, in the dark. The only thing that could be seen is the glow coming from the TV. At midnight the horror movie program started. The first movie was 'The Mask' (here it is on Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Elvira-Mask-Paul-Stevens/dp/6301773438) and the second film was the original 'House of Wax' with Vincent Price (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0045888/).

The movie started - I was sitting in the dark, wearing my 3-D glasses. I wasn't scared at all. I think it was because all my excitement and it did not give me time to think about what was just set up for me. A little boy all alone in a dark room with His parents up stairs, asleep - looking back at it now that is totally a perfect setting for a horror movie. As the movie's plot began to build, my excitement was beginning to lessen and I was drawn into the storyline and the 3D effects. Then it hit me - I remember it like it was yesterday. About halfway into the film there was this very 'cultish' scene where these hooded figures, all in black, was getting ready to sacrifice a young woman - the figures were in this very foggy place and the only thing visible was the two figures, a woman laying on this platform and two torches at each end of the platform. The camera began to zoom closer to the woman, very slowly, and as the woman got closer, her body - her flesh - her skin, began to fade way and all there was left was a skeleton. In perfect 3-D perfection, the camera zoomed fast towards the skull as a demonic snake jumped out of the eye socket and out of my TV screen - I do not think I really watched the rest of the movie in 3-D because my hands were over my eyes for most of it. It totally scared the hell out of me. (Needless to say, but I am saying it anyway - this started my obsession with 3D movies and I now have over 100 3D movies in my collection)

It is moments like that seem to shape our likes and dislikes; I was totally hooked on horror items - not your typical horror movies but gimmick style movies.

This love for gimmick horror is not just limited to movies,

- It is reflected in some of my music - bands like, My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult (TKK), I think they capture this horror gimmick perfect in their music and their music is totally sexy sometimes. Another group is the Electric Hellfire Club, which has a member of TKK.

- It is reflected in my 'art' - here are some holiday cards I made -

And videos that I made for my girlfriend for Valentine's Day - This video is called 'Our love is to Die for' - Don't worry, she is into horror so it fits - the song is done by Rob Zombie - she loves Rob Zombie - she even has Rob Zombie checks. (so just push play)

Ok, you maybe asking yourself by now - 'How does that lame joke and the statements that you have heard from people fit into all of this?'

As you may or may not know - I am vegan. Therefore, when people find out that I am vegan I get all kinds of questions. I love when people ask me questions because I really enjoy meeting people and finding out about them and their stories. I would never look down on anyone no matter how silly I find his or her question to be, that is not what I do. So the one question I get from people once they find out I am into horror movies/culture, etc is - "If you are vegan how can you be into horror movies. I thought you were against killing." I find this statement funny in the same way that I find the gimmick horror culture funny because its so over the top. I try to answer this question with humor and try to address the seriousness of the question at the same time- that can be very difficult.

Its entertainment a release from everyday horrors - I think vegetarian horror film director/writer, Larry Fessenden said it best, "I make horror movies because I have an acute awareness of the horrors of life. There is no more explicit an example of everyday horrors than in people's treatment of animals, in the labs, the slaughterhouses." (Check out Larry films - Habit and Wendigo)

- two other vegan/vegetarian horror movie directors - Dario Argento, and Rob Zombie (I could list a long list but I wont)

All this talk about horror movies - I am going to watch one now.

It does not matter what sex you are, what race, what religion, rich, poor, or how old you are - a good sandwich is the staple for anyone. I can remember even as a child nothing made me happier when it came to food than a good sandwich. PB and J, turkey, ham, etc (soy, of course) - is always good - one of the best things about sandwiches is you can go to any grocery store (g-store) and in less than 5 mins have the materials to build the best sandwich ever. Well, at least that is what I thought until this past Sunday afternoon.

I never fully thought about it but apparently, I secretly judged a g-store on how easy it was to get the ingredients for the perfect sandwich. I realized this the hard way - let me tell you about this past Sunday afternoon.

It was a beautiful spring morning. The sun was shining, the birds sang it was a day that gave you the feeling it is good to be alive. Mylie and I went for a drive to a g-store (grocery store) that we do not visit very often, Trader Joe's. Mylie was full of excitement because she LOVES to cook and the opportunity for her to get new food items to play with in the kitchen made her glow with pure enthusiasm. I was also pumped because I was going to get the ingredients for the ultimate, the perfect, the most wonderful sandwich anyone has ever thought to make.

As soon as we walked into the door of Trader Joe's - Mylie and I went running in full force, she went one way and I went the other with baskets in hand. I went straight to the bread section to hand pick the perfect freshly baked bread. After looking over the huge selection, I finally found the most outstanding loaf. With pure enjoyment, I put the loaf in my basket. As I turned to run to the deli section, I passed Mylie as she smiled and stared at the shelves in front of her as she made her choices. We were like two kids in a candy store.

I stood in front of the deli section and it did not take long to find the perfect choice for the meat of the sandwich- the obvious choice was the smoked Tofurkey slices. As the Tofurkey slipped from my fingertips and fell into the basket, I was on my way to the mayo section. I was so excited - I have almost completed the ingredients for the perfect sandwich - all I needed was fresh black pepper, soy cheese and vegan mayo. Then as I approached the mayo section my perfect and beautiful day came crashing down - the skies turned black, the screams of tortured souls could be heard from the distance. As I looked at the shelf where the vegan mayo should have been I could hear little demons laughing at me, mocking me and then it hit me - THEY WERE OUT OF VEGAN MAYO! I almost fell to my knees with my arms stretched to the heavens as I screamed WHY GOD?! WHY? - But I did not - I stayed strong - I stay true to my mission. Looking on the bright side of things, I said to myself, "its ok I can get it at the store near my house' - so I gripped the handle to my basket and continued my journey to the cheese section. As I looked over all the cheeses, I noticed there was a huge area of the shelf that seemed like there was something missing, as I got closer, I realized all the vegan cheese was sold out!

This time I could feel the frustration build in my veins - I felt the pokes of the little devils sticking me with their little pitchforks as they laughed at me. I tried to fight them off - I kept saying, "I am in a g-store and all I want is a sandwich - what kind of g-store is this if a person can not build a sandwich." As the fear and confusion set in I realized the world that I thought I knew is not really the world at all - my whole life I have put my faith into g-stores to always be there for me - to always provide for me when my belly said lets go hang out with our old friend the g-store.

Totally broken and defeated I walked up to miss little happy Mylie with her basket full of lies and betrayal and voiced my disgust with Trader Joe's. I went off on a rant, "How can a store that says they offer so many different variety of food cheaper than places like Whole Foods Market not be equipped enough so a person can make a sandwich!" My rant went on for about an hour and when I finished Mylie stood their looking at me as if I was a crazy person. Her pause lasted for roughly 15 secs and then she said, "Did you see they had ....." I do not know what she they had because I was crushed, my soul was crushed, my world was crushed and I was very upset.

Seriously folks, how can you call yourself a g-store and not have the materials to create the perfect sandwich!