How to Scare the FedEx Driver


Today, Mylie and I were sitting around just talking and enjoying our anniversary when we heard a knock at our door. Mylie and I look at each other and acted like why the hell would anyone be knocking at our door – how dare them! So we (both of us) made our way to the door in a way that seemed like a military combat strategy. Mylie covering my back and ready to kill who ever is on the other side. As I open the door while peeking through the space between the door and the door frame, I notice a FedEx woman. I feel the tension behind me relax and I throw open the door.

The FedEx woman stands there with a HUGE smile on her face and asks if I am Jason and then looks at the wreath hanging from our door and asks, “is that Jason Voorhees’ head hanging from your wreath?”

Ok, before I go on with this story let me explain our front door. Yes, we have a wreath hanging on our door – No, it is not a x-mas wreath, it is a grapevine wreath. Yes, it has a Jason Voorhees head hanging from it as well as some spiders. It is very nice and we like it… anyway, back to the story.

I replied to the FedEx woman, ‘Yes, it is a Jason Voorhees head” and the woman continued with a laugh, ‘… that is not very festive.’ I protested and said, “It is very festive. Have you ever heard of Krampus? Krampus is the demon who travels with Santa and punishes all the bad boys and girls while Santa give toys to the good ones.”

The FedEx woman’s laugh turned to a very nervous laugh as she started to slowing back away from our door way. I continued saying it an old tradition that never caught on here in the United States.

As I am talking she starts to descend down our steps as she says, “Have a Happy Holiday…I hope” and then she takes off and we close the door to look at our packages.

We didn’t mean to frighten the FedEx employee and I am writing this post to make sure everyone knows the story of Krampus – so please watch this video and share this post with everyone you know so innocent people are not emotionally scarred by the tradition of Christmas.



Happy Holidays!

(Tune in to Zombie Popcorn Radio all day on X-mas to hear traditional and strange x-mas songs.)

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About author

Jason Bayless

Jason Bayless is a life-long activist and is currently working at The Pachamama Alliance. When he is not working he spends, working with Center for Farmworker Families and spending his time recording shows, writing blogs, collecting 3D movies, and playing VR games.

  • Solarchaser1

    December 22, 2009

    Just be glad that you don’t have a set of white trash neighbors that knock on your door at 3am asking for a cigarette. LOL. I heart the Jason head on your door. It always makes me feel very welcome.

  • Giovanni Calabrese2

    December 22, 2009

    Nice. VERY NICE! Now even I wont be able to sleep tonight. You scared the bejeepers out of me!

    Happy Krampus to you too!


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